Trireme: Self-Assessment Questionnaire

Originally appeared in the '92 Trials year book.

A lot of people may have felt that they were rowing in the wrong place in the trireme. This is a self-assessment questionnaire to decide which position you are most naturally suited to.

  1. Your height is....
    • (a) 5 feet, 11 & 3/4 inches (no, really, you just look taller, that's all)
    • (b) As tall as it takes so as not to have to row down there
    • (c) OK, just show me how to tie one of these bowline knots
  2. The role of the Thranite is to....
    • (a) Prevent the Zygian from interfering with the Thalamian's blade
    • (b) Prevent the Thalamian from interfering with the Zygian's blade
    • (c) Figure out how to get a suntan on their other side
  3. The role of the Zygian is to....
    • (a) Set the rhythm of the whole boat
    • (b) Keep the Thalamian quiet
    • (c) Wear clean socks
  4. The role of the Thalamian is to....
    • (a) Set the rhythm of the whole boat
    • (b) Look after the water bottles
    • (c) Thalamian? What's a Thalamian?
  5. The Thalamian behind you catches a crab. You think....
    • (a) I hope their restraining rope is doing its job
    • (b) Serve them right for getting in my way!
    • (c) Crab? What's a crab?
  6. How many Thalamians does it take to change a light bulb?
    • (a) None: they'd get a Thranite to do it
    • (b) Three: one to change the bulb and two to sit around and complain about the conditions they have to work in
    • (c) A Thalamian wouldn't bother, they're used to the dark
  7. You have just been told that you achieved a maximum speed of 9.7 knots. You think....
    • (a) Dammit, we'd have made 10 knots if everyone had pulled as hard as I did
    • (b) Wow, If I'd known we were that close to 10 knots I'd have pulled harder
    • (c) Close enough, can we go home now?
  8. Returning from a 4 hour morning outing, do you....
    • (a) Head for the nearest beach
    • (b) Head for the nearest bed
    • (c) Head for the nearest bar
  9. The most memorable part of rowing a trireme was....
    • (a) Sharing the experience
    • (b) Sharing the cameraderie
    • (c) Sharing the bodily fluids
  10. Boris and Ford are....
    • (a) The life and soul of the Trireme
    • (b) These funny voices in your head which kept telling you to do crazy things
    • (c) Aaaaaaaaaaargh! Nurse! Nurse! Those nightmares - they've come back!

(1) a=2, b=1, c=0.
(2) a=0, b=1, c=2.
(3) a=1, b=2, c=0.
(4) a=0, b=1, c=2.
(5) a=0, b=1, c=2.
(6) a=2, b=1, c=0.
(7) a=2, b=1, c=0.
(8) a=2, b=0, c=1.
(9) a=2, b=1, c=0.
(10)a=1, b=2, c=0.

If you were a Thalamian and scored...
0-4: You probably complained a lot, but you secretly enjoyed it and wouldn't have been happy rowing anywhere else.
5-9: You hated every minute of it, and aspire to Zygianity.
10-20: I think your head must have hit one cross-beam too many.
If you were a Zygian and scored...
0-4: You are an unusually sensitive and caring person.
5-9: Born and bred a Zygian, always were, always will be. Sorry.
10-20: You're probably wondering why your Thalamian never talks to you any more.
If you were a Thranite and scored...
0-10 : You probably didn't mix much with other Thranites. Tiresome, aren't they?
11-15: Nice to think you talked to your triad occasionally.
16-20: I bet you came back with a good sun-tan, didn't you?
21-30: You've probably spent too long out in the sun.